A Day for Moms

While there are certainly many mothers and fathers who share responsibilities of child-rearing, today is the day to celebrate motherhood, so I will laud moms in my comments while noting there are many variables in the roles which not so many years ago were divided much more strictly along the lines of “women's and men's work.” In fact, shortly after my daughter gave birth to her son one year ago last Friday, I gave her a “raising baby” book from the 1940s. The duties assigned to dad as described just 70 years ago mostly fell along the lines of staying out of mother's way while she took care of everything. Some families still operate this way, but in many cases that advice is quaint by today's standards.

Raising children is a tough job and an often messy business. Infants are literal mess-makers producing surprising and unpleasant natural by-products on a regular basis and delivering those things out of both ends of their tiny bodies. I know many moms who have to work past gag reflexes to get through this stage. Toddlers still offer plenty of body function unpleasantries while adding the element of being able to pull everything out of a drawer and throw the contents onto the kitchen floor with lightening fast speed. Picking up the debris left behind by tiny human tornadoes is an exasperating job often relegated to mom.

On a more serious note, the messes children create can often escalate as they approach their teenage years and into adulthood, but mothers tend to stand by their kids, no matter what. On the way to work on Friday, I saw a mother cat carrying a kitten across the road by the scruff of its neck. The kitten was well past the age of needing to be carried. But the mother dragged it along, stumbling because the kitten was so big. It reminded me of some human moms.

Moms who are present in the lives of their children are privileged to share a special bond with them through every stage of life and difficult situation. I believe one of the most important legacies a mother can give her children is spiritual guidance, helping to instill a sense of purpose and direction. A great gift for every child is to have someone to encourage them by example to show love and respect for others, to follow the Golden Rule and to not live in fear.

A Shift in Tactics

I have been contemplating the arming of school personnel, as one of the local elementary schools in the West Plains area has recently done. Aside from whether or not it "works" as a deterrent or possibly as a way to stop someone intent on doing violence from inflicting widespread harm, I've been considering the effect it has on the children at the school. As usual, the adults are having their say and making the decisions which impact kids, but what does a decision like this do to young people in the long-term? What lessons are we teaching them?

Again, my opinions in this blog are religious in nature, not political. Let's put aside arguments about rights for a moment and think about what is right. The teachings of Jesus are clear in that we are not to try to attempt to overcome evil with more evil. I know many will say guns are not inherently evil, and I know the intent of school administrators is to do good, rather than evil. But as followers of Christ what lessons do we see being taught to children? Are we teaching fear as a daily way of life? Are we giving the not-so-subtle message that guns are the solution to society's ills? Are we injecting yet more paranoia into the minds of the young? What kind of citizens are we spawning for the future?

I know what my answers are to these questions even though many would not agree. I also know there are alternatives. Check out the following link, which shows how a shift in focus from negative to positive can cause a huge change in a situation.

http://dailynightly.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/01/18005192-principal-fires-security-guards-to-hire-art-teachers-and-transforms-elementary-school

If we lose our ability to appreciate and nurture that which is beautiful and creative, rather than what is frightening and destructive, what is the point of saving our way of life? To quote a line from a favorite movie of mine, "A life lived in fear, is a life half-lived."

A Father's Love

Father/son "Team Hoyt" was stopped one mile short of the finish line of the Boston Marathon because of the bomb blasts which interrupted the event. They had thought this might be their last one; it was their 31st running. This morning I saw an interview with Dick who says they'll be back next year.

Dick will be 73 in June. He pushes his severely physically disabled son Rick in a wheelchair when they run. They have competed in over one thousand marathons and triathlons in the past 36 years. A remarkable father's love has made this possible. I invite you to search out their story to read the details, but here's a link to a video which features the inspiring pair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxqe77-Am3w

As a country, we would do well to not focus on the evil which has always been present in the world, but on the love which overcomes such evil.

Jesus Wept

A toddler died in a house fire this week in a neighboring community, the tragedy made even more difficult by the circumstances surrounding the fire. The heartbreak of the family is unimaginable. The anguish of the emergency responders and of law enforcement officials and others on the scene is painful to witness, as they are overcome with emotion. Dealing with death is always difficult, but the death of a child leaves many of us struggling with how to react more so than usual.

Some situations are so difficult for our minds to comprehend or process that we are left without words to express our sympathy and sorrow. In such cases, I know only to follow the lead of Jesus when he arrived at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Jesus used few words. He did offer comfort to Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus, but the words he used as recorded in scripture are words that only Jesus the Messiah could have and should have said. Instead, Jesus wept. There is no shame in weeping. Often it is the best and only thing we should do.

Unfriendly Business

Because I have not been particular about accepting requests in the world of Facebook, I have friends in the realm of social media from different political persuasions and religious backgrounds. It's been a fascinating discovery process. In the beginning of my Facebook journey, I thought it would be interesting, maybe even fun, to exchange ideas and express differing opinions about politics. To be reminded how we, those of us who are Americans, have so much to be thankful for and how there are core values on which we agree, common ground, if you will. Silly me for thinking that.

What I have found is that some of my "real life" friends who hold different political views and who happen to cross over into the world of social media aren't interested in thought-provoking conversations or finding common ground. They are interested in posting one meme after another blasting whichever "side" they oppose. And they quickly fall into personal attacks and name-calling when anyone questions where they have obtained their information or dares to disagree. Not in all cases, mind you, but common enough that anyone who is reading this will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I have recently discovered I have apparently lost a Facebook friend over one comment I made on one of her posts a few weeks back. I'm not on Facebook enough to know I had been "unfriended," but I realized when I saw her at an event a couple of days ago, I have evidently been unfriended in the world in which we live and breathe. After I got the cold shoulder from her when I saw her, I checked Facebook, and sure enough, we are no longer friends. This is a woman I've known for at least 20 years, gone as a friend because I dared question a negative political comment she made. That seems like a shame doesn't it?

Interestingly, this unfriending business is not a problem with my friends of different religious backgrounds. Some of my friends do not identify themselves as Christians, and yet, they are much more tolerant, reasonable and pleasant than many of my Christian friends who lean toward a particular political persuasion. Recently, a Christian friend of a friend said it was "just plain truth" that I have a "manipulative liberal mind." I actually thought that was pretty funny, especially in the context of the conversation, but she wasn't laughing.

I've been pondering the solution, and even though it seems like the coward's way out, rather than unfriending I'll be hiding many "friends" from my timeline. I imagine my posts are hidden from many timelines already, so we will have effectively unfriended each other and now all we're doing is helping Facebook gather our personal information for its own gain.

I've never thought friendship was of great value if all we do is tell each other what we want to hear.  Friendship seems like it is a way to grow and learn and find camaraderie. For sure there will be our good friends with whom we do agree on most things, but friendship and civility are possible, even when we don't agree on everything. And for those who call themselves followers of Jesus, that kind of friendly unity isn't really a matter of choice; it's a command, regardless of where we stand politically.

Living in the Moment

I believe Jesus lived in the moment. He taught that our focus should not be on tomorrow but on today, the now, the present time. It does not appear he had to force himself to get out of bed every morning to slog through one more day just to get by to make it to the weekend. Recognizing that his time on earth was short, he valued every moment, viewing each hour as an opportunity for work, fellowship and fun, remaining fully present (mind, body, spirit) in every situation, relationship and interaction. All we're assured of in life is the very moment in which we're living. We should not squander the present by bringing the future into every waking thought.

This can be an especially tough time of year to abide by this mentality for those who are tired of winter and ready for spring. With every cool and cloudy day that passes, impatience for spring intensifies. I know there are some for whom cold weather is physically painful due to arthritis or other ailments, and that is understandable, but it seems this is perhaps more than offset by those who suffer from allergies, and other miserable conditions associated with warmer weather. My suspicion is that even more than longing for the delights of springtime, many are looking for a "perfect" day. That day when it's 72 degrees outside, with an unclouded sky, when no problems arise, no aches and pains assail us and no one is unpleasant to be around. Like Goldilocks, we want everything to be "just right."

That sort of perfect day exists mostly in fairy tales. If it does come along once or twice every twelve months or so, does that pinnacle keep us joy-filled for the rest of the year? Or does it serve to make us disappointed the majority of the time because our high expectations are not met? Rather than those rarely attained, idealized days, I believe every day can be perfect in its own way. The kind of perfection I'm thinking of comes from living in the moment. Deciding, as Ralph Waldo Emerson did, to "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." 

No matter the weather, no matter what befalls me, no matter what or who I find irritating, I must remind myself that my attitude is my choice. I alone allow my situation to ruin my day or not. If it's a circumstance I cannot change, the weather, for example, it does not have to control me or my mood. If there's a situation I can change, I must decide whether I should change it or live with it and find joy in the midst of it. Either way, any way I look at it, I do know, for me personally, I am blessed truly beyond measure. I want the knowledge of this fact to drive my existence, serving as a reminder to make the choice to make every moment matter.

Sin and the Law - Part II

Some readers of my blog know that it is usually a re-posting of a column I write for the West Plains Daily Quill. After my "Sin and the Law" column appeared in The Quill (see Feb. 22 religion page or my Feb. 24 blog post), a letter was sent to the editor, in which the writer presented his reasons for disagreeing with my comments which had centered on my confusion over why certain sins, as defined by scripture, are targeted by some Christians to be against the law of the land when other sins are overlooked.

Online subscribers of The Quill can read the full text of the letter on page 7 of the March 7 edition, but in his letter, the writer asserted that I implied, “Christians should not talk against sin or try to get laws made.” First, I ask did Jesus tell us to “get laws made?” Second, I certainly believe anyone, Christians and non-Christians, should be able to say whatever they want, in accordance with freedom of speech.

One area where the writer and I agree is that sin is damaging. Where we likely disagree is that I believe scripture is meant to show Christians the way to be happy and blessed when we follow the mandates of the New Testament, (by not sinning) rather than as an instrument of meting out judgment against others. 

Certainly Christians are instructed to share the gospel with others outside our faith. However, forcing non-Christians to abide by biblical law is simply not a concept Jesus promoted. If New Testament scripture can be found, in context, which points to Jesus saying his teachings should become the law of Rome, the government of his day, I would like to see the reference. 

Aside from that, my main point in the column in question is: If Christians are to identify certain sins which should be against the law of the land, how is it decided which sins to target? The letter writer avoids directly answering this question.

In my original post, I did not mention specific issues, but the writer does. He talks of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) which prohibits same-sex marriage and is rather ironically named, in my opinion. It is a prime example of my expressed confusion. If marriage is to be defended, can we permit divorce? About half of all marriages, including those between professing Christians, end in divorce. If marriage needs defending, perhaps, bear with me, we should start with banning divorce.  

We can’t outlaw divorce, some might say, there are legitimate reasons for it. Let us accept that premise. Divorce becomes legal only in the case of a spouse being abused or cheated on. I believe those would be the only legitimate reasons in scripture for getting divorced. (There is never, I repeat never, a legitimate reason or scriptural defense for committing adultery. Those being cheated on have recourse. Those doing the cheating do not. God does not ever give Christians permission to have affairs. Although, thankfully, he offers forgiveness when they do.) What if we try to “fix” the underlying adultery issue which causes divorce, by passing laws?

Shall we go back to the days of “The Scarlet Letter” and make adultery a crime? If adultery is against the law, can we assume individuals will stop cheating on their spouses? Actually, we can already surmise the answer would be “no,” as adultery is already a crime in about half the states in the union, but it is one of the least-enforced offenses on the books. (The letter writer presents a list of laws which he asserts “our so called leaders” have determined “do not have to be enforced.” Included in his list: DOMA, voter fraud, immigration, perjury, "some drug laws" and gun laws.) He did not include adultery in the list. Maybe he thinks adultery should be criminalized, but I contend it’s a good thing adultery laws are not enforced, because the jails would be filled up in a hurry.

How and why can Christians target same-sex marriage but not divorce and adultery? This is an example of how the letter writer's reasoning plays out when taken to its extreme. 

I have also gone to an extreme to make a point. I obviously do not think divorce, or adultery for that matter, should be against the law. I have friends and family members who have been divorced and are now remarried. Several of them, in fact, who were before and are since in the ministry. I know it has been agonizing for them to go through the process, but I would not deny them the freedom to choose the path they believe is best for them, for whatever reason. (Although there is a pretty good case to made, based on New Testament scripture, that those who are divorced should not be in leadership positions in the church.)

And I have friends who are homosexuals who want to choose a path they also believe is best for them. How can we, in good conscience, look at how the Church behaves and try to claim the moral high ground by denying anyone the chance to wed, and then, add insult to injury by saying we are defending marriage? 

The letter writer says, "I think that we are now in a position where we need some laws to protect moral values."

It brings me to my second point. If morality is legislated, who gets to write the laws? Do Christians decide for everyone else? Do we convene a panel of sadducees and pharisees? Does the letter writer get to decide? What about me? I can make a pretty good case for what should be against the law, based solely on scripture, but I doubt he would agree with my ideas.

For example: Jesus said to love our enemies, bless and pray for them, and “turn the other cheek.” In Romans 12:20-21, we are told, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” The “coals” we are to heap on the heads of enemies are not bombs, we are to heap good on them. That would seem to be a reasonable argument to ban war, from a biblical view, wouldn’t you think? Maybe we should pass laws immediately ceasing all hostilities and shutting down the huge war machine in the U.S.

And if we try to incorporate the teachings of Jesus in his “Sermon on the Mount” into the law of the land, we’re all really sunk, because at the very least, the following could easily be criminalized: being angry at a “brother;” calling someone a fool; not only committing adultery, but “looking lustfully” at women; praying in public (that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?) and having a savings account, just to name a few.

My goal is not to try to claim that I am right and the letter writer and those who share his views are wrong. My goal has always been, by expressing my opinions in this space for the past several years, to make us all think. Specifically, to make those of us who claim to be followers of Jesus think about how we have arrived at what we believe. I am often concerned that our Christian views have been too much influenced by sources other than the teachings of Jesus.