What's Fair?

I am not prepared to endorse comedian Louis C.K. or his television show “Louie,” as I have never seen an entire episode, but have seen him a few times on other venues, and I know he does perform material which can tend to be fairly controversial. However, I recently saw an excerpt of his show, and there was a line in it which is a good lesson for all of us, of any age.

In the segment, Louie, who is played by Louis C.K., is preparing a meal for his two daughters. He has one slice of mango left, and he gives it to his older daughter. The younger one is upset and begins to grumble about the injustice of the situation. “Why does she get one and not me?”

“Because she’s a separate person from you. You’re never going to get the same things as other people. It’s never going to be equal. It’s not going to happen ever in your life, so you might as well learn that now.”

When she continues to protest about her sister getting something she didn’t, her father says, "That's right. Right now she’s lucky, and you’re not particularly lucky. Maybe later you’ll be lucky.”

"It's just not fair,” she complains repeatedly. "If she gets one, I should get one too."

"Look," he says, "the only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don’t look in their bowl to make sure you have as much as they do." 

I'm supposing the lesson some will take from this is 'life isn't fair, get over it,' which is a valid observation. The aspect of the story I would draw attention to is that Louie's daughter is well-fed and taken care of, and even though she missed out on a piece of mango, she was going to have enough to eat for the upcoming meal. She had no real cause for concern she was going to be lacking, but her focus was on herself anyway. Louie tries to teach her a lesson about the importance of making sure others have what they need.

Scripture expresses it this way in I Corinthians 10:24, "Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor."

If we all take the focus off ourselves and what we want, and concentrate more on those around us, and what they need, the whole neighborhood will be better off, us included. A neighbor who is happy and has plenty is a good neighbor. Why wouldn't we want to be good neighbors and help others become good neighbors, too?

Choices

I have some questions and thoughts about abortion. If abortion is a cut and dried issue for you, I hope you will try to maintain an open mind. If you choose to respond to this post, I hope you will do so not out of a place of emotion, but thoughtfully. I respect honest opinions. I struggle with this issue myself, but I think we need to have conversations about it, not yelling matches.

I don't know anyone who thinks abortion is "Plan A," the first and best option, certainly not women who have been sexually assaulted (first choice for them: to not have been violated) or whose life is in danger if they go forward with a pregnancy (first choice for them: a healthy baby, carried full-term). Even those who make poor choices, who don't want children but choose to have unprotected sex, surely must not think, 'It's okay. If I get pregnant, I'll just put myself through the pain and humiliation of an abortion.' Perhaps there are a few in that category, but I believe most who decide to end a pregnancy are trying make the best choice under the worst of circumstances.

I realize that last statement is where I have lost some of my readers. Abortion, many believe, is NEVER the best choice, based on the belief that life begins at conception. Let's think about that for a moment. We all know a living, breathing baby is not what is produced at the moment of conception. Perhaps those who are approaching this from a religious point of view believe the moment of conception is when a spirit is bestowed and therefore, 'life' begins.

If that is what you believe, as I would say I do, then does not God have that spirit safely covered from whatever befalls it? Speaking as someone who had a miscarriage when I was a younger woman, I can tell you the sense of loss was real -- my baby was over three months old -- but my belief that that tiny spirit had gone back to its Creator was a comfort to me. Otherwise, did my body murder my unborn child, making me and he or she forever somehow condemned? Was I somehow responsible? The answer is, no, of course I was not responsible.

The New Testament does not mention abortion, or if it does, I have missed it. Jesus, however, does say to not harm children. Let me offer this: If abortion is illegal, more children -- living, breathing babies, toddlers and children of all ages -- will be harmed, and in many cases, unspeakably so, or even killed. In my training as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteer, I know of children who were born to meth-addicted mothers, for example, who will have serious health and behavior problems for the rest of their lives. I know of children who have been abused by their biological families who go on to be abusers themselves, many times committing horrific crimes.

Carrying this line of reasoning through to the conclusion that some fundamental Christians have reached: many of these children grow up to be adults who never become Christians, and therefore, are destined for an eternity in hell. To be sure, some do find a way out of their circumstances, but is that a chance we should be willing to take? Anti-abortion activists believe they are saving lives. Would you entertain the notion that if abortions are banned, lives would also be destroyed?

What is society's role? How and why should we make life and death decisions for others -- not just women, but the children they bear? If abortion becomes illegal across the board, then what? Are we prepared, as a country, either through government intervention or as individuals, to take responsibility for children who will be living in their own hell on earth because they are born to women who, in many cases, don't want them and, almost certainly, have no means to take care of them?

Nothing is cut and dried. I've only barely touched on my thoughts about this complicated and emotionally-charged issue. Abortion is horrible. The consequences for children born to people who don't want them, is also, most often, horrible. As humans, we all make mistakes, and I believe it is unconscionable for any of us to pass judgment on women who feel abortion is the choice they must make, for whatever reason. Let those among us without sin, cast the first stone.

No matter our individual views on this divisive issue, for believers, the motivation for whichever 'side' we're on, must be love. Does Jesus offer us another option? One where love is absent? Abortion has become a hate-filled issue, and one way or the other, love must prevail. All of us need to stop demonizing one another over abortion and start working together to find real solutions.

Prayer Thoughts

I've prayed some interesting prayers over the years and heard others pray for interesting things, too. When I was younger, in particular, I prayed prayers I suppose I had no business praying, asked for things it would have been better not to have received. In retrospect, I would say thank God he's gracious and didn't give me everything I wanted or thought I needed. I've also witnessed and received some truly incredible answers to prayers, things which defy explanation aside from faith and the working of the Spirit.
 
Prayer is central to most religions, and yet, for many it seems to remain a bit mysterious. How and when do we pray? What should and should we not pray for? I would not presume to tell anyone what are suitable topics for prayers, although peace and wisdom might be good places to start and are certainly in short supply. I would humbly suggest a few things not to pray for: patience, a good mood, or that harm would befall another.
 
Patience grows by learning to deal with situations which make us upset or angry. It's perhaps better to practice patience in what we're already experiencing, rather than praying for patience, which could, conceivably, send even more things our way which frustrate us. Relax, be patient in current circumstances, and maybe save the trouble of learning a lesson the hard way. Likewise, praying to be in a good mood, or to be less stressed, or to not worry, for example, are all prayers I believe God will not answer, perhaps cannot answer, because the answer lies within us. These things amount to choices we make. Don't pray to be in good mood; be in a good mood.

Finally, based on New Testament teachings, praying for harm to befall another is about as far away from what Jesus taught as anything I can imagine. Yet, I have heard Christians pray "against" others many times. Our definition and view of justice is always incomplete, and aside from that, it is not our job to figure out who needs to be "put in their place" or punished. Lifting up others, rather than tearing them down, will always be a good use of our prayer time.