I have some questions and thoughts about abortion. If abortion is a cut and dried issue for you, I hope you will try to maintain an open mind. If you choose to respond to this post, I hope you will do so not out of a place of emotion, but thoughtfully. I respect honest opinions. I struggle with this issue myself, but I think we need to have conversations about it, not yelling matches.
I don't know anyone who thinks abortion is "Plan A," the first and best option, certainly not women who have been sexually assaulted (first choice for them: to not have been violated) or whose life is in danger if they go forward with a pregnancy (first choice for them: a healthy baby, carried full-term). Even those who make poor choices, who don't want children but choose to have unprotected sex, surely must not think, 'It's okay. If I get pregnant, I'll just put myself through the pain and humiliation of an abortion.' Perhaps there are a few in that category, but I believe most who decide to end a pregnancy are trying make the best choice under the worst of circumstances.
I realize that last statement is where I have lost some of my readers. Abortion, many believe, is NEVER the best choice, based on the belief that life begins at conception. Let's think about that for a moment. We all know a living, breathing baby is not what is produced at the moment of conception. Perhaps those who are approaching this from a religious point of view believe the moment of conception is when a spirit is bestowed and therefore, 'life' begins.
If that is what you believe, as I would say I do, then does not God have that spirit safely covered from whatever befalls it? Speaking as someone who had a miscarriage when I was a younger woman, I can tell you the sense of loss was real -- my baby was over three months old -- but my belief that that tiny spirit had gone back to its Creator was a comfort to me. Otherwise, did my body murder my unborn child, making me and he or she forever somehow condemned? Was I somehow responsible? The answer is, no, of course I was not responsible.
The New Testament does not mention abortion, or if it does, I have missed it. Jesus, however, does say to not harm children. Let me offer this: If abortion is illegal, more children -- living, breathing babies, toddlers and children of all ages -- will be harmed, and in many cases, unspeakably so, or even killed. In my training as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteer, I know of children who were born to meth-addicted mothers, for example, who will have serious health and behavior problems for the rest of their lives. I know of children who have been abused by their biological families who go on to be abusers themselves, many times committing horrific crimes.
Carrying this line of reasoning through to the conclusion that some fundamental Christians have reached: many of these children grow up to be adults who never become Christians, and therefore, are destined for an eternity in hell. To be sure, some do find a way out of their circumstances, but is that a chance we should be willing to take? Anti-abortion activists believe they are saving lives. Would you entertain the notion that if abortions are banned, lives would also be destroyed?
What is society's role? How and why should we make life and death decisions for others -- not just women, but the children they bear? If abortion becomes illegal across the board, then what? Are we prepared, as a country, either through government intervention or as individuals, to take responsibility for children who will be living in their own hell on earth because they are born to women who, in many cases, don't want them and, almost certainly, have no means to take care of them?
Nothing is cut and dried. I've only barely touched on my thoughts about this complicated and emotionally-charged issue. Abortion is horrible. The consequences for children born to people who don't want them, is also, most often, horrible. As humans, we all make mistakes, and I believe it is unconscionable for any of us to pass judgment on women who feel abortion is the choice they must make, for whatever reason. Let those among us without sin, cast the first stone.
No matter our individual views on this divisive issue, for believers, the motivation for whichever 'side' we're on, must be love. Does Jesus offer us another option? One where love is absent? Abortion has become a hate-filled issue, and one way or the other, love must prevail. All of us need to stop demonizing one another over abortion and start working together to find real solutions.
Thank you for sharing. I don't enter this conversation lightly. Of the women that I know that were pregnant and had abortions, they were all raised in Christian homes where the embarrassment of a pregnancy outside of wedlock was a disgrace to their family. Most of these abortions took place in the 1970's and 80's. These babies would have been born into loving homes though it would have made a difficult impact on the lives of the girls in their teens. They all know they killed their child. It became most evident during their subsequent pregnancy after they were married. There are very deep scars and regrets for the misinformed choice that they all made. I suppose I'm not interested in the political discussion. I am interested in the truth being given to young unwed mothers that it is indeed a baby and that they are making a choice not just for themselves but also for their baby. Adoption is a possibility. I'll leave the political argument to others that understand it's implications.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I have had such a schedule as to not reply before now. Thank you for this thoughtful comment, and I absolutely agree. I suspect the situation in most churches has not changed much in the last 30-40 years. I read of (haven't read it) a book out recently which addresses how most of the "True Love Waits"-style programs (promoting abstinence until marriage) really haven't worked. Kids still have sex before marriage, after pledging not to do so, then they are filled with guilt and regrets, and I'm guessing most/many who become pregnant are having abortions.
DeleteChurches need to start having honest conversations about this issue -- abstinence, birth control, abortion, adoption -- instead of stubbornly keeping their eyes shut to reality. Some young people will wait until marriage, statistics show most will not. I still find it fascinating that so many churches are not using their own line of reasoning "safe in the arms of Jesus" to to have a different view of this issue. The young women who have abortions, and are not in the church-going category you mention above -- the meth addicts, the gang members, the alcoholics, for instance -- bring a whole other side to this issue, and that is why the political side is important. They are making a choice for themselves and also for their babies (as you note above), and I have to believe it might just be the best choice for both. Blessings to you and thanks again.
You make it sound as if the only young women having abortions who are not in the church-going category are meth addicts, etc.. I am certain you don't mean that. On the subject of abstinence, I don't think its promotion by churches is a question. I don't think it deserves much promotion by churches or anyone else. There are women, and men, I suppose, who delay sex because they want to "save themselves" for a spouse but I think that idea is motivated more on the basis of social than religious concerns. When I was of the age to notice kids worrying about such things, the greatest barrier to sex was the fear of pregnancy. That was before the pill, or before the pill was widely available, and there were justifiable fears about the efficacy of other methods. I think more sex education and making contraception available to kids in a manner that they will use is the only way to cut down on the number of abortions. Contraception is the only sure way to address the problem of abortions among those who are at risk no matter the circumstances that may promote or prohibit sex, especially among kids. Hormones trump almost any other consideration.
DeleteYes, Frank, certainly there are others who seek abortions who are in other categories...that is why I added "for instance" in the sentence where I mention meth addicts. But there are some instances which so clearly point to the need for continued legalized abortion, I believe. The tragedies which befall babies born to addicts is one of those instances.
DeleteAnd I agree with your next point. I don't believe churches (or anyone else, as you note) promoting abstinence is any kind of solution, but that is part of the honest conversation I mentioned. Churches need to admit that advocating for abstinence is not working. I'm sure most will never feel comfortable handing out contraceptives at Wednesday night church youth group meetings, but they need to at least stop pretending that 'church kids' don't have pre-marital sex.
Following is the comment I made earlier on Ken's post (below). I'll re-post in case you missed it: The argument that using birth control is a "license to sin" is ridiculous and totally out of touch with reality. Restricting the use of/access to birth control is asinine and is part of the larger issues at hand.
Oh, Terry, thanks for wording what I suspect most Americans, men and women, of all faiths and non-faiths would accept if they were free to voice it. I want to share this post but would like to wait until I'm able to keep my FB horde corralled. Sometimes personal experience really helps one get the best feeling for an issue. I've been fairly intimately aware of three abortion decisions. The first was a casual abortion by a family friend. It was years ago but every time I see that woman a sort of sadness invades me. Second, our beautiful little Skye Baby was am abortion candidate until the Ozark Uncle heard of it! He hit the roof and said "Behold that child shall be born!" That child held his blood, and both parents had good reasons not to piss him off. Now Joy and I are guardians for that beautiful 3-1/2 year old child, and blessed for being able to have her in our lives. In the third case, a person I knew aborted a child because she was messed up on drugs at the time, and wasn't going to be able to take care of a normal child, let alone a special one.
ReplyDeleteOne of my most heart breaking experiences was around six years ago. It was a time when I was providing taxi service to a family member who had lost his license. One night we went to a tattoo parlor here in Springfield. As we went in I saw a little two-year old boy crawling across the dirty floor using just his arms-his legs just dragged behind him. Apparently his mother was there to pass him off to his biological father (a tattoo artist) for the weekend. She sat nearby and all the other adults were standing around and letting this child crawl among them. The Ozark Uncle got down on the floor and tried to get to his eye level as best he could. The little guy laughed, crawled over to this stranger and put his hand on his knee. We played together for the rest of the time I was there. As I left, the mother looked at me and thanked me for playing with her son. Officially, the little guy had a natural birth defect but others privately confirmed that he was a meth baby.
How should I label myself, Terry, If I didn't write it before, I will say it now. Given the stakes involved, women should control the sex act and work together on the consequences. In my opinion, there should not be one male on the staff of the Missouri Right to Life or on other pro-life political organizations. And, bless his heart (I guess) the Pope is incredibly out of touch with his congregants.
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DeleteThank you Ozark Uncle, for once again bringing a thoughtful perspective to the conversation. Abortion is such a personal issue for so many. I have a family story I initially shared here, but have since taken down...too personal, I believe. But I will leave my initial conclusion: Complicated issue, yes. One left to women to sort out as to legalities, in particular? Yes, again, I believe. Final thought: The argument that using birth control is a "license to sin" is ridiculous and totally out of touch with reality. Restricting the use of/access to birth control is asinine and is part of the larger issues at hand.
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