Because I have not been particular about accepting requests in the world of Facebook, I have friends in the realm of social media from different political persuasions and religious backgrounds. It's been a fascinating discovery process. In the beginning of my Facebook journey, I thought it would be interesting, maybe even fun, to exchange ideas and express differing opinions about politics. To be reminded how we, those of us who are Americans, have so much to be thankful for and how there are core values on which we agree, common ground, if you will. Silly me for thinking that.
What I have found is that some of my "real life" friends who hold different political views and who happen to cross over into the world of social media aren't interested in thought-provoking conversations or finding common ground. They are interested in posting one meme after another blasting whichever "side" they oppose. And they quickly fall into personal attacks and name-calling when anyone questions where they have obtained their information or dares to disagree. Not in all cases, mind you, but common enough that anyone who is reading this will know exactly what I'm talking about.
I have recently discovered I have apparently lost a Facebook friend over one comment I made on one of her posts a few weeks back. I'm not on Facebook enough to know I had been "unfriended," but I realized when I saw her at an event a couple of days ago, I have evidently been unfriended in the world in which we live and breathe. After I got the cold shoulder from her when I saw her, I checked Facebook, and sure enough, we are no longer friends. This is a woman I've known for at least 20 years, gone as a friend because I dared question a negative political comment she made. That seems like a shame doesn't it?
Interestingly, this unfriending business is not a problem with my friends of different religious backgrounds. Some of my friends do not identify themselves as Christians, and yet, they are much more tolerant, reasonable and pleasant than many of my Christian friends who lean toward a particular political persuasion. Recently, a Christian friend of a friend said it was "just plain truth" that I have a "manipulative liberal mind." I actually thought that was pretty funny, especially in the context of the conversation, but she wasn't laughing.
I've been pondering the solution, and even though it seems like the coward's way out, rather than unfriending I'll be hiding many "friends" from my timeline. I imagine my posts are hidden from many timelines already, so we will have effectively unfriended each other and now all we're doing is helping Facebook gather our personal information for its own gain.
I've never thought friendship was of great value if all we do is tell each other what we want to hear. Friendship seems like it is a way to grow and learn and find camaraderie. For sure there will be our good friends with whom we do agree on most things, but friendship and civility are possible, even when we don't agree on everything. And for those who call themselves followers of Jesus, that kind of friendly unity isn't really a matter of choice; it's a command, regardless of where we stand politically.
:)
ReplyDeleteMy statement on my FB page profile says.... I think 'Love thy Neighbor' was thrown out as a challenge. And Neighbor wasn't referring to the guy sitting in the pew next to you.
ReplyDeleteI, too, had a "slap-in-the-face" unfriending by the most self-proclaimed Christian I know.
Unlike you? It always makes me chuckle.
Well, I can't say it makes me chuckle...though I do find some of the specific insults in the personal attacks kind of funny.(i.e. the "manipulative liberal mind" comment I referenced.) I have a thick enough skin that I don't really care what people think about me or care when I get insulted, but it makes me sad when Christians miss the point so mightily. AND it reminds me that I don't want to miss the point, either!
DeleteWow Terry, I was very moved by this post. Of course I know you and love you; you are the least confrontational person I know. However, that is how some people feel, when a comment about what they say, brings about the "unfriendly". Just as you described friendship, so too should we as followers of Jesus, approach our Facebook friends.
ReplyDeleteAlot of my "friends" are perhaps people from High School that I haven't seen in years, or people from my past who, for whatever reason, I lost touch with until Facebook. I'm sorry that this happended, especially because it is someone you have known. That would hurt my feelings and disappoint me...but with age comes wisdom, and I thank God for that. My dear friend, Terry, I will just remind you, because I know you already know this, often times when we feel someone has been rude, or we feel that "cold shoulder", it is because of something, or someone for that matter, that is going on in their life.
I declare myself as a Christian....but I NEVER share my political persausion with anyone. It amazes me how passionate some are about their political opinion that it changes how they treat their fellow man. As far as constructive comments go, how nice it would be if we all welcomed them! It is a compliment to have someone care enough to share their opinion with you.
As a woman who has dealt with the illness of depression, I have had many, many cold shoulders and "unfriendly" behavior from some who judged it as a character flaw, and not an illness that you don't choose. However, if I had a friend, someone like you Terry, who cared enough to challenge my thinking, I would "thank you for wanting me to see another side".
Susie
Susie, hi! You are so sweet, but I am sure I am NOT the least confrontational person you know. lol. It's precisely because I am willing to confront and question what is said by those professing publicly to be Christians that I found myself in the situation I described above.
DeleteAnd I really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt because I want people to do the same for me. It is oh, so true, as you point out, that sometimes when someone behaves in a way that we perceive is "targeting" us in an unfriendly way, in reality, they have so many other things going on -- often heartache and pain -- and we are the last thing on his or her mind.
However, the situation here is that she did remove me from her Facebook friends list after I questioned her, which is really no big deal, I suppose....possibly even a coincidence, I guess. But I have actually seen her several times since the Facebook "discussion" and in retrospect, I realize, she has not spoken to me any of those times, when she is someone who has always done so in the past.
And you can bet I am going to approach her (hopefully in person) about this sometime when I have an opportunity, and I will try to set things right. If people on Facebook unfriend me and I don't know them in "real life" I will usually let that go and chalk it up to we are simply not compatible, have too many differing opinions, perhaps. When I am unfriended by someone I've known a long time, I believe if I am authentically trying to follow the teachings of Jesus, it is my duty to get to the bottom of it. Can't have those "bad vibes" hanging around out there! (I've had a few of those conversations over the years...often uncomfortable, but always worth it.)
You always inspire me, Susie. Thanks for posting! (And thanks for your very kind words....love you, friend.)