What kind of world do we want?

This is not a post about guns. It's about how words matter. It's about respect and decency. It's about how commonplace it has become to throw basic civility aside in favor of using rude, spiteful and belittling comments to make a point in even the smallest matters of disagreement, of how what we're saying to one another and how we're saying it is transforming daily interactions in a way which would have been unimaginable  a few years ago.

This is not about guns, even though it's prompted by a story involving a gun.

Allen and I have been on vacation this week. On Wednesday we were in Arkansas only a few miles away from where two law enforcement officers were shot. Hackett Police Chief Darrell Spells sustained minor injuries (grazed on the forehead by a bullet according to reports I've read) and Cpl. Bill Cooper, 65, of the Sebastian County County Sheriff's Department died as a result of his injuries.

The morning of the shooting we watched a local television station's reporter who was on the scene in the minutes following the incident as he tried to sort through what was going on. Where was the shooter? On the loose? What was his motivation? Law enforcement officers rushed from miles around to help. People were warned to stay away. All the usual stuff. It was so brutally hot that day that the reporter had sweat dripping off his face in a matter of minutes as he was standing at a rural crossroads which was as close as the press was allowed to get.

A recent report I've read (from NBC News, quoting Sebastian County Sheriff Bill Hollenbeck) said the officers had no idea they were walking into a deadly situation -- described as an ambush by another officer -- when they responded to a domestic call. Hollenbeck said [the shooter, I choose not to add to his notoriety by naming him] had been scheduled to appear in court on a petition to revoke a suspended sentence that day. "More information began to develop that [he] wanted to cause what was told to us as a 'ruckus,'" Hollenbeck said Wednesday.

A ruckus. Not so long ago, with few exceptions and especially in rural areas similar to where I was raised, a ruckus was usually nothing more serious than a fistfight. But now a ruckus ends up with someone getting killed? In fact I started thinking about writing this a few weeks ago after hearing the report from a neighboring small community about an ongoing personal dispute between two high school classmates which ended in one being shot and seriously wounded and the other one dead by his own hand. Escalation of violence -- violent thoughts leading to violent words leading to violent actions -- have sadly become the norm with each passing day in rural America and beyond.

I wondered at the time of that incident if the young man who killed himself had been influenced by over-the-top, angry discussions by the adults around him. I have no way of knowing that, but I wonder.

A man who wanted to create a ruckus in Sebastian County, Arkansas, ended up murdering a long-time law enforcement officer, who was a Marine veteran and getting ready to retire. An Arkansas television station quotes Hollenbeck as saying about Cpl. Cooper, "He could have retired years ago," but he stayed on because he "loved the men and women he worked with." A good and honorable man, dead as a result of doing his job.

This is not about what kind of weapon the killer used or where and how he got it. Because no matter how you feel about guns -- whether you think more or less 'control' would or would not affect gun violence -- those opinions are not pertinent to this post. If you believe guns are the issue here, you're missing the point. This post is not even about supporting our local law enforcement community. Where I live it goes without saying that they're some of the finest men and women you'll find any where, and it is a given that I support them.

This is about how words matter. Decency matters. This post is about loving one another. It's about the Golden Rule. I can't count the number of times that people, myself included, have been publicly mocked on social media for promoting love as an answer for violence. But that doesn't stop me. Because, ultimately, love is the only answer. Not a warm, fuzzy, feel-good attitude, but love as the complicated, profound force that it is. The idea of putting others ahead of ourselves. Of not demanding that every little thing must go our way.

It's also about a soul-searching examination of what we want our nation to be. Do we want to follow basic tenets of compassion, kindness and respect for the opinions of others? Or do we want to angrily cast insults at one another over minor differences? For those who identify as Christians, does the notion of 'turning the other cheek' when someone offends still apply? Or has that become a quaint, old-fashioned idea as we fight in the loudest way possible to be heard on every point?

You might not agree with me that love is the answer. You're free to disagree, but tell me this: What does work? Take long-term historical evidence and convince me that...whatever...building walls -- literal and figurative -- is what we need. Or maybe fewer guns -- or more guns? -- is the answer. Perhaps you believe more money for policing and more demanding of our rights can help. Will your favorite presidential candidate make all the difference in our day-to-day lives? We argue about it like a Trump or a Clinton or someone else is either the answer to all of our problems or to blame for the decisions we all make every day. But I ask you, would any of these things have changed the situation in Sebastian County? No. Be honest with yourself regardless where you stand, and the answer is still no. 

Sometimes it seems as if we don't have any control over our own words and actions and how we treat one another simply because politicians are behaving badly. Collectively, we need to get a grip on our emotions and our attitudes. And the answer has to come from within ourselves and a willingness to change the way we think and talk. A willingness to see that children are being influenced every day by the world around them and we, the adults, are the ones shaping the world. Are they being fed a steady stream of anger, fear and hate? Or do we offer hope that a better future is possible and that there is still something worth living and working for?

I can't convince anyone to change. I can only change myself and although I want to do better every day, some days I'm not even very good at accomplishing that. But we can't allow ourselves to give up doing the right thing even when others do wrong. These words from the New Testament (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) tell of the love I'm talking about:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

You don't have to be a Christian to instinctively know the kind of love described in those verses is what we need more of in this world. 

I believe as a country, we're standing at a crossroads, just like that reporter, and we're trying to figure it all out as the situation unfolds. One road leads to more strife, bitterness and despair created with the words we use daily over minor disagreements, while the other leads to healing the rifts we've created by those ugly conversations with our friends and neighbors. It's not that simple, you say. No, it really is that simple. But it isn't easy. 

It involves making an effort to see situations from another's point of view and sometimes that will mean swallowing our pride and admitting that we've made a mistake or that our point of view was influenced by emotion not fact. It means that we understand that no one is always right and no one is always wrong. It means having discussions without personal insults which add nothing of value.

Every day with our attitudes and words we're creating the world our children and grandchildren will inherit. Will it be one where a ruckus is merely an argument or regularly a gunfight?